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Kokia beprotiškai laiminga aš esu

Posted by dolores on 06 Rgs 2010

You’ll be in my heart …

Skambant šiai dainai užplūdo prisiminimai ir šią akimirką supratau, kokia beprotiškai laiminga esu... dėl visko, kas vyko, vyksta ir dar vyks. Dėl tėvų, kuriuos turiu, dėl sesytės, kurią labai myliu, tikiu, jog vieną dieną visi ją išgirsime didžiojoje scenoje, dėl kelių labai brangių draugių, kurios mane lydi nuo mokyklos laikų ir tikiuosi dar lydės ilgai ilgai, dėl kelių giminaičių, kurie mane myli ir manimi tiki ir labiausiai dėl žmogaus, kurį radau ir su kuriuo esu beveik metus kartu… Esu dėkinga likimui ir tik kartais pagaunu save silpnumo akimirką sakant, kaip man blogai, bet tik todėl, kad nemoku išlaukti, juk dar niekada nebuvo blogai, visada viskas tik į gera, bet kokia padėtis, kurioje atsiduriu, vėliau man tik praverčia, o iš klaidų pasimokau (nors ne visada, deja) :)

Palikta viena kelioms valandėlėms mąstau… mąstau, kokia kvailutė esu, jog vėl noriu bėgti, skristi ten, kur nieko neturiu, kur nebūčiau laiminga, tik vardan judėjimo…nes nebemoku likti vienoje vietoje. Laikas išmokti. Laikas nutūpti. Laikas pradėti kažką, kas liks visam gyvenimui. Laikas subręsti ir laikas pasilikti. Čia ir dabar? Turbūt. Norėčiau…kad ir kaip bus sunku, išlauksiu. Nubrauksiu ašarėlę ir vėl šypsosiuosi, nes esu laiminga, esu mylima ir labai myliu… Tiesa sakant žodžiais sunku išreikšti, ką dabar jaučiu, tačiau noriu pasakyti, jog vieną dieną, kuomet dar 46′ame autobuse senas vyriškis atsisėdęs prie manęs aiškino (man, jaunutei ‘niolikmetei), jog gyvenime nesvarbu niekas, tik meilė ir kad nesivaikyčiau karjeros, lobių, turtų, o sekčiau paskui ją - jis buvo visiškai teisus… atsekiau paskui, taigi bandysiu ugdyti valią ir nepabėgti…

Myliu gyvenimą už tai, kur jis mane atvedė, už žmones, kuriuos atsiuntė į mano kelią ir už laikinus sunkumus. Džiaukitės ir jūs, visada svarbu atrasti, ką gero turime, o turime tikrai nemažai…

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