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Rutina permelkta rudens depresija ir vaikiškos dvejonės

Posted by dolores on 14 Spa 2010

6.50h suskamba žadintuvas. 7h šiaip ne taip išlipu išlovos: pikta, nelaminga ir skaičiuodama kiek dienų dar  reikės taip anksti keltis. Viskas krinta iš rankų, plaukai neatrodo taip gražiai, kaip norėčiau, juodas akių pravedimas, turėjęs būti tiesės formos nupiešiamas zigzagu… Kol arbata šąla ant lauko palangės, papusryčiauju, prisitaisau aparatūrą (mp3 grotuvą) ir galiausiai išžygiuoju iš namų į drėgną laukinį rytą. Tiesą sakant man visai patinka stebėti bundantį miestą, užsiemiegojusius skubančius žmones, atsidarančias mini parduotuvėles senamiestyje…

Šiuo metu esu truputuką pikta, nes mano gyvenimas sustojo…arba rieda taip lėtai, kad galiu visus pakelės medžius suskaičiuoti. Aplinkinių - priešingai - gyvenimai sukasi verčiasi, reaguoti nespėju. Taip neturi būti, ne ne ne, tik ne man… Rutinos bijau kaip velnias kryžiaus, o šiuo metu ji įsuko mane į savo ratą, kaip čia dabar suprasti???

Žinote ką, pagalvojau, jog man yra jau ‘n’ metų, o aš vis dar tiksliai nenusprendžiau kuria kryptimi pasukti gyvenimo vairą, aišku medike jau nebūsiu, staliumi taip pat, inžinerinės specialybė irgi atkrenta, tačiau socialinių mokslų spektras yra toks platus, kad dar galiu rinktis bet kurį iš ‘-šimties’ jo atšakų. Nors tikrai žinau, jog traukia medijos, viešoji sklaida, mada, beauty pramonė bei žmonės…gal iš visų išvardytų žodžių galima surasti bendrą vardiklį? :) Padėkite, bitte (žadėjau greitu laiku prabilti vokiškai, prašom, pirmą žodį jau turime) :)

Rašiau rašiau ir galiausiai nusprendžiau, jog neturiu ką pasakyti. Taip, galva tuščia, esu pavargusi, beprotiškai noriu miego, tačiau dar per anksti. Einu skaityti populistinio veikalo iš Madam kolekcijos “Vestuvės”. Koks gyvenimas, tokie ir skaitiniai, kokios mintys, tokie ir paveikslėliai, haha :)

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